You Belong With Us
Judith and despair were becoming one. She felt that as she entered the restaurant and friends stood to greet her. In their eyes she saw sorrow; in the warm grasp of their hands, two holding her one, she felt their desire to reassure her, their need to convey: “We are with you. We are here for you.”
Greg held out a chair for her and she sat, acutely aware that the neat, universally prescribed table for four had been reconfigured. A fifth chair had been added, an anomaly, an odd mole on a face with otherwise perfect features.
Ed leaned over and pointed to the appetizers on the menu that had been thrust into her hands. “We’ve ordered shrimp cocktails, but feel free to get anything you like.”
“We”
“Feel free”
“Get anything you like”
This was the new vocabulary that would define her. She would never be “We” again. She would be expected to “feel free,” to “get anything” she liked, without consultation, negotiation, without concern for another’s allergies, his likes and dislikes. Judith’s eyes misted over, blurring her choices as she perused the menu. She would have to learn what she liked, what she alone could tolerate.
She forced her eyes to focus. She would not order the shrimp cocktail. Lars had developed a nasty rash after they’d shared shrimp at the Washington marina. That was more than fifty years ago and she’d never had shrimp since.
“Can you do a Caesar salad for one,” she asked the waiter.
“I’ll share with you,” Susan and Doris interjected in unison.
The waiter smiled. “Caesar for three, it is.”
“We’ve ordered a couple of bottles of Medoc,” said Ed. “We know you favor red.”
‘No,’ she wanted to say. She’d been drinking red with fish for a lifetime, but it was Lars, her meat eater, who always ordered red for both of them.
Judith smiled at her companions. So caring. They meant well. “You belong with us,” was what they wanted to say. But she didn’t, she knew. She belonged only to herself now.
“If you don’t mind,” she said softly, not wanting to offend, “I’d like a glass of Chablis. I’m having the halibut.”
You Belong With Us appeared in the Spring 2024 issue of Vistas & Byways.